By Catherine Feisthamel
Your dorm room is supposed to feel like home– no one should have to deal with the tension messy roommates bring to the room. While messy roommates make us want to yell and curse them out for not picking up after themselves, it’s important to approach the situation in a conscientious way so that they actually listen to what you have to say.
First and foremost, you need to be open and honest about things that bother you about your roommate. Most of the time people don’t realize how their actions affect others. For example, maybe your roommate is unaware of the fact that you’re always the one taking the trash out; how could you expect change if you don’t explicitly tell them? Being honest and communicative ensures that you are all on the same page about your expectations for the room. Try to focus on what you are saying about how their actions make you feel, rather than just criticizing their lifestyles. Someone will respond better to “Hey when the kitchen isn’t clean and it’s not my mess, I get frustrated having to always pick it up” rather than “You always make the kitchen messy and its gross.” If you directly attack your roommate, they’ll likely get defensive and won’t be as willing to change their ways.
Another important thing to keep in mind when confronting your roommates is not to take anything to a personal level. The way they live is most likely a result of how they lived at home. Maybe they had someone picking up after them at home so they’ve never been aware of the mess they create. It’s important to remind yourself that they’re not purposely being messy to annoy you or get under your skin, they may not even see the annoyance of their actions. Take in the context of the situation before talking to them about what’s bothering you so you can better understand the reasoning behind their actions.
Keeping a positive, welcoming living environment requires letting your roommate know you appreciate any changes they’re committed to making. It can be hard being told you’re a messy person and it takes a lot to admit your faults and change your living habits.
Lastly, If you feel like you’ve done everything you can to try and fix the situation yourself and things still haven’t changed, definitely talk to your RA. They’re there to help and sometimes an authority figure stepping in can be what someone needs to realize they may be in the wrong.
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