By Alexandra Savage
We’ve all drank water before, and if you haven’t, I need you to call a doctor. Drinking water is a part of daily life. You might have found yourself in a situation where you go to CVS with your friends and decide to buy a bottle of water, possibly Dasani. But your friends immediately jump down your throat. “Dasani?” They say. “That’s the worst one!” Water brand superiority is real. But which water is the best water? And what does that mean for you as a person? Let’s explore.
None of them
When doing research for this article, I realized that every brand had committed some sort of environmental atrocity. Therefore, I can’t morally promote any of them. This is why I’m quitting water and drinking pure oxygen from here on out. Since we still need something to review, let’s rank some water brands based on designs, regardless of any forests or oceans they may have destroyed.
Dasani
A quick question about the Dasani logo. What is the ‘s’ supposed to be? Why did they squish it like that? I’m going to guess that it’s supposed to be a flowing river, but if that’s the case, they should have made the s more squigly instead of less. Onto the bottle itself:
Now this is what I’m talking about. Look at it. The subtle blue tint of the bottle to remind us of the ocean, the green cap to tie the design to the earth, the ‘100% recycled’ label that’s almost certainly fake (in my opinion), this design has it all. I want to get married holding a Dasani water bottle in my hands. So smooth and elegant.
Poland Springs
This company is a massive fraud. When you read that ‘Poland Springs’ label, you think that it’s packaged in Poland. That’s a far-away location, which makes the water seem extra special. But when you read the website, you’ll see that it’s packaged in Poland, Maine! They’re selling us on a Polish dream but giving us Maine-ish water. The label itself is cool, showing us a river (or a spring). I was unable to find out what location the label references, but I did find this Etsy store that lets you customize a Poland Spring bottle as a wedding gift, if that interests you.
Icelandic Glacial
Oh no way! This bottle is shaped just like a glacier! The functional purpose is clear: with more surface area, the human hand can easily grip this bottle. The country of Iceland is also featured on the label, reassuring us that the water is actually coming from Iceland, and if it isn’t, I don’t care. They’ve sold me. Further points for the black and white color scheme, very classy.
As we can see, there’s a lot that goes into a water bottle. The water. The bottle. The smile that spreads across your face when drinking a cool bottle of water. Fortunately, you won’t ever have to worry about this because everyone uses reusable bottles nowadays. But if you’re in an emergency, hopefully this review will make the decision a little more clear.
