By Mallory McGovern
No matter what side of the Internet you were on last week, it’s likely you came across the latest viral Tik Tok turned mainstream news: the saga of West Elm Caleb, a mustached serial Hinge dater working for West Elm in New York City. What began as girls in the city exchanging details about a previous date quickly turned into the doxxing of West Elm Caleb, brands using his infamy for marketing and even debates about how the swarm of hate against Caleb could in fact enhance his employer’s brand. Of course, as many other Internet sagas have taught us, Caleb is a real person with real consequences from his overnight infamy. Dissecting the saga, it’s clear that in an online era, modern dating and the accompanying gossip can carry some serious consequences.
While multiple Tik Toks calling out West Elm Caleb would soon hit the app, the story began in the comment section of user Mimi Shou’s (@meemshou) post bemoaning her post-date ghosting by a “Caleb” from Hinge. A little over a week later, Shou would make a triumphant follow-up referring to herself as, “the girl that single-handedly exposed a Hinge villain and united half the girls in NYC.” But what exactly earned him the title of ‘villain?’ According to a list compiled in an article by Buzzfeed technology writer Katie Notopoulos, Caleb was guilty of not disclosing his dating status to women he was seeing, going on many dates but never pursuing a relationship, re-using a ‘personalized’ Spotify playlist, “love bombing,” ghosting and allegedly sharing an unsolicited nude photo. What’s striking about the reaction to this behavior is that it seems we have all met a guy like this–incredibly charming and romantic, until of course he wants to move on to his next of many dates. However, in the real world, the news of his not necessarily criminal but certainly rude and inappropriate behavior is shared between friends over happy hour rather than the endless scroll of a Tik Tok feed. Situating this example outside of Tik Tok, it’s clear that the driving force behind #WestElmCaleb is not Caleb himself but rather, it’s gossip.
The lesson of this story is not to shame yourself out of gossiping. In fact, it’s well documented that gossiping serves several major social purposes. Not only does gossip bring people together, but it allows for groups to spot threats and pass along the information to protect others. In a follow-up to her now-deleted post initially lambasting West Elm Caleb following her interaction with him, Tik Tok creator Kate Glavan (@kateglavan) calls for a stop to the severe harassment Caleb has received as a result of his poor dating behavior. Crucially, however, Glavan closes the video by referencing the practice of gossip throughout history as a mechanism for keeping women safe. While this is certainly true, it also reflects a history in which gossip was redefined as a “women’s practice” in order to enforce docility and scold women for an action that men participate in equal amounts. Plus, this gossip she’s talking about? It’s a message passed between families, friends and community members, not every person and corporate social media intern in existence. As we expand our potential audience, the fallout of this gossip is something to strongly consider.
In the Couch Guy, Bama Rush OOTDs and West Elm Caleb, we find what marketing researcher Dr. Jenna Drenten has deemed “the TikTok tabloid.” This phrase alone should show the severity of the situation. If the tabloid has led to the anguish and distress of celebrities with PR managers and money to support them, what does this phenomenon do to a regular person?
By all means, bad behavior can and should continue to be criticized. But until we find a cure for TikTok virality, it may be best to keep your juiciest gossip to texts between friends.
