By Maya Konings
One Year ago, on February 14th, I was enjoying my fourth Valentine’s Day in a row with my boyfriend at Il Canale in Georgetown over a bowl of tomato gnocchi. I was feeling confident in my ability to manage a long-distance relationship and secure in our future. Fast forward two months to April when I realized that living across the country from him just wasn’t going to work anymore, and then fast forward again to today—when heart-shaped chocolate boxes replaced the holiday candy at CVS and I realized this was going to be my first Valentine’s Day alone since before I’d even fully finished puberty.
Despite Valentine’s Day never being a particularly significant part of my relationship (it was overshadowed by my birthday, which falls just four days later), this year’s festivities have hit especially close to home. Last week at my internship, I compiled a large assortment of romantic fine jewelry recommendations for my boss’s Valentines Day gift guide. Throughout the process of scrolling through numerous websites with love-filled marketing messages splashed across the screen, I couldn’t help but think that I was doing all this work so that other people would know what to get their significant others while I would get nothing.
I have grown so much since I ended my 3.5 year relationship in April. I learned about the importance of showing up for my friends, how to be there for myself when I would have otherwise relied on another person, and how to navigate the complicated college world of casual dating, or “hookup culture” (okay, that one’s admittedly still a work in progress). However, being single on Valentines Day for the first time since I was a freshman in high school can make me want to forget all of the progress I’ve made and the lessons I’ve learned. I’ve caught myself feeling like I’ve regressed and that I’m a failure—if I don’t have someone to spend February 14th with, it’s obviously because I’m not good or desirable enough.
Self-confidence? We don’t know her right now.
However, I’ve been forcing myself to snap out of my mindset of self-pity. Being single during February is not a setback or a reflection of my self worth. Even though I have consistently had a Valentine for the past several years, I would never dream of giving up the amount of growth that I’ve achieved this year just to sit across a white linen-clothed table from a man who’s barely even my height. The best version of myself, at the moment, is simply not in a relationship.
There has been a strong narrative lately to completely write off Valentines Day altogether and reject all forms of the Hallmark pink and red marketing. While I’m partially inclined to hop on board, it’s also completely valid to acknowledge the emotions that the holiday may bring up, positive or negative. In addition, it can feel empowering to apply the Valentine’s Day message to your own life, whatever form that may take. For me this year, that means giving the people who matter to me my time and attention, while showing them I care.
I had a two-hour phone call with my mom yesterday, after receiving a Valentine’s Day care package from her in the mail. I booked a dinner reservation for the 14th at a nice restaurant with one of my best friends. I would rather spend my time with the people who have been there for me throughout everything and shaped my life in a meaningful way, than with a new guy I barely know. To me this year, Valentine’s Day is all about nurturing the most important relationships, whether they be romantic or platonic. When I’m focusing on all the amazing people that are in my life, it’s impossible to feel like I’m alone.
50 responses to “Storytime: My First Single Valentine’s Day Since I was 14”
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