By Alexandra Savage
As we all know, Santa has nine reindeer. But how many of us can name them all? Personally, my school made sure we received a quality Santa education. I didn’t even take high school calculus because I was too busy memorizing Santa’s reindeers’ names. It was even on my SATs (which I took in the North Pole because every other testing site in Jersey was full, thank you very much).
However, just because Santa named the reindeer doesn’t mean he did a very good job. Some of his choices make a lot of sense. Dasher? Right off the bat, we know he is dashing. But Donner? Blitzen? I’m not sure what these names are supposed to signify. Today, we’ll be going over these names and deciding which are the most fitting for a flying reindeer, and which are better suited for…not reindeer.
Dasher
Starting off the list, the aforementioned name “Dasher” makes perfect sense for a reindeer. This name is descriptive (we can infer that he ‘dashes’ across the sky) and radiates an aura of power. I can only assume Santa named this one first, since it’s such a strong choice.
Comet
Another excellent name from Santa. He left it all on the stage. A comet flies across the sky, and the reindeer does the exact same thing. What we see is what we get. No further notes.
Dancer
Now it’s starting to fall apart on us. What does dancing have to do with pulling a sled across the sky? Perhaps Dancer likes to dance in his free time and doesn’t want to feel like his identity is tied up in pulling the sled. Sure, he helps on Christmas, but that’s a part-time gig. He has bills to pay. At heart he is a dancer, and who are we to deny him that?
Prancer
This one is so goofy. I bet that Prancer hates Santa with his entire being for giving him such a goofy name. Dasher dashes, and Dancer dances, and Prancer? Well, he just prances about. I’m sure that Santa only gave Prancer this name because it rhymes with ‘Dancer,’ and for this Prancer will forever live in Dancer’s shadow.
Vixen
Consulting Merriam-Webster for this one, a ‘vixen’ is ‘a sexually attractive woman.’ This bothers me so much that I have to move on to the next review.
Cupid
Did Santa forget which holiday he was supposed to be referencing? Is he playing with our heads? Cupid is for Valentine’s Day! My only guess is that Santa figured he’d name Cupid after something that can fly, such as the Valentine’s Cupid. If this is the case, Santa should have named him something cool, like ‘Fighter Jet’ or ‘Boeing 737.’ Lots of missed opportunities and regret here.
Donner and Blitzen
I’m putting these two together because I’ve learned something fascinating. On the surface, these may seem like average names that don’t have much to do with reindeers. However, this Medium article reveals that the poet who named the reindeer (I mean…Santa) gave them the names ‘Donner’ and ‘Blitzen’ because it’s German for ‘Thunder’ and ‘Lightning.’ I don’t speak German, so this was lost on me. However, points for Santa since this time he chose something actually related to the sky.
Rudolph
Here’s some lore about my life. Every year for ten years, I had to watch that stop-motion Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer movie from 1964. Here’s a picture to awaken some memories:
This is not the same movie with our beloved Snow Miser and Heat Miser, but it’s the same production company. I also learned that one of the founders of the company is named ‘Julius Caesar Bass’ which is amazing. Sorry, I just wanted to relive a few memories. Anyway, the Smithsonian released a statement that Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer was a marketing ploy created by the department store Montgomery Ward to make money on Christmas merchandise. That means Santa didn’t even name this one, so I cannot fairly judge his name.
That’s all of the reindeer. As you can see, there were some great names in the mix, alongside some confusing decisions. I’m sure Santa was just busy. He seems like he has a lot going on.
