By Christopher Giang
Rejoice, for Panera Bread has returned! Oh, and this other place is here now?
Upon returning from fall break, GW students were reunited with our beloved Panera Bread at its usual—albeit shrunken—spot in the University Student Center. But something new has joined next door: Absurd Bird, a chicken eatery of mysterious origins. GW Dining’s information page is light on details, but gives a short blurb about what to expect. “Absurd Bird delivers Big, Bold flavors,” it reads, “…with a menu designed to satisfy your hunger by tossing and dipping sauces galore.”
A quick look at the place tells you what it actually is: another Chartwells vendor. That’s the company running the “dining concepts” in District House’s basement, along with the dining halls and mini-markets scattered across campus. GW’s contract with them was a bold shift away from the much-maligned previous focus on dining dollars, but it also came with the closure and replacement of many popular private restaurants leasing out university space. Chick-Fil-A (whose space is now True Burger’s) was the busiest of the bunch, and administration had promised it would return somewhere in USC at a later time. We got this instead.
I myself have never really liked eating at any of Chartwells’ places, only doing so when I had swipes or dining dollars to use. But seeing Absurd Bird brought me back to my freshman year, when we still had our bustling, now dearly departed, Chick-Fil-A. Could this be a worthy successor to what we had lost? Only one way to find out.
I ordered the Crispy Chicken Sandwich Combo that includes fries and a fountain beverage, which only took a few minutes of waiting to get. I ordered barbecue sauce and no pickles, and prepared for something that ended up being… very OK. The fries and the sandwich buns tasted flat and papery and desperately needed a good amount of salt. On the upside, Chartwells has shown me they can make a crispy and satisfying piece of chicken, which fulfilled me enough that I didn’t feel like ordering the thing was a waste.
My mind quickly changed after realizing how much I’d spent: $13.99 for the crispy sandwich combo. It’s an outrageous premium, but inflated prices aren’t anything new to the Chartwells vendors, whose “meal deals” were $8 at the beginning of last year. Also noticeable are calorie counts listed next to each menu item, which only seem to further highlight the inefficiency. The $11.99 2 Piece Tender combo (240 cal) will cost you a whopping 5¢ per calorie, while the $10.99 Crispy Chicken Salad (770 cal) is only about 1¢ per calorie.
I don’t imagine I’ll be returning anytime soon. I think this place suffers mainly based on its stiff competition—you can go to Panera if you want to eat in USC or go to Roaming Rooster if you want a much better chicken sandwich. Absurd Bird is quick and convenient, and can still be a fine option for students on the meal plan, but it’s best avoided by everyone else. Our Chick-Fil-A dreams remain unfulfilled regardless.
