By Jonathan Kay
Fine colonials of THE George Washington University, have I got a gem for you. As many of you know, the whole “food situation” at GW is a bit of a mess. One of the casualties of the administration’s questionable level of competence is the disappearance of GW staples within the District basement and their replacement with Netflix adaptations of what was once there.
They have attempted to pull the wool over our eyes by implementing fancy new tablets where you can order food, but all that accomplishes is making your order take far longer than it would have had you just ordered at the front. This depersonalizes the deeply intimate experience of ordering knockoff food which makes District so enjoyable.
Despite this major inconvenience, the biggest gripe I’ve heard through the grapevine is that the food is too expensive. Well, actually, the biggest gripe is that these overpriced meals have also seen a considerable drop in quality, but the two are usually mentioned within mere moments of each other. If you similarly feel that the food is overpriced and under-tasty, I have the hack for you.
District’s hottest food item is the six-dollar chicken quesadilla from “not-Sol”. Let me tell you, I’ve seen the new bowls and burritos that are served there and I wholeheartedly agree with the critics: You got a lot more bang for your buck at Sol and this cheap imitation is a disappointing lunch for all that partake.
I want to clarify, that isn’t the fault of anyone working there, nor GW, it just kind of is, if that makes sense. If you are outraged at the fact that we have to walk all the way to DUPONT to get our Sol bowls, like the rest of us are, I have the perfect solution for you. The quesadillas. Lactose intolerant folks (those that actually care about their bowels, at least) and chicken non-enjoyers beware, for this is the best food to be found in District. Not just dollar-for-dollar the best, but the tastiest and most filling food that one can order at ground zero of the GW food change.
The chicken isn’t just chopped up chicken breast, it’s shredded, chopped up chicken breast. The cheese isn’t just cheese, it’s shredded cheese. The sour cream and salsa pair exquisitely with the simple yet delectable mix of chicken and cheese. If you’re feeling really adventurous, you can even ask for an ample amount of sriracha to dip your quesadilla into. Whenever your next poorly-located District date occurs, I can almost guarantee that you will be the envy of the person sitting across from you as the chowing down of chicken, cheese, tortilla and your sauce of choice occurs right before their very eyes.
But I must warn you, dear reader, that the District quesadilla is dangerous. You may start ignoring your date telling you about their hillternship as you become hypnotized by the explosion of quesadilla flavor consuming your very being. You won’t be able to stop talking about how much you love these six-dollar snacks while you become infinitely more attractive from the glow of eating a satisfying meal. I warn you, this quesadilla is not for the weak-willed. But, if you are willing to brave the hypnotic charms of this tasty treat, I highly recommend expeditiously booking it to District, TODAY.
